Strength

I am disappointed.

My mind keeps complicating things...the "what-ifs" kept coming back.

But thank God for bringing the right people to encourage and making me laugh again.

Strength is not used to forget what happened, it is used to accept it and move forward.

Another Childhood Memory

Is it every little girl's dream to be Miss Universe? Much as I would like to deny it, I once had that dream too. Haha. And it was sparked off by the pageant that was held in Singapore (where else?) in 1987.

I was only 9 then (hey. that was the year my bro was born!). The household had just gotten a VCR. A real novelty in those days! I remember I was watching the few taped shows over and over again - Jackie Chan's Drunken Fists etc..and of course, the Miss Universe 1987. There was a Singapore girl in the top 10! What more do you need to make a 9-year old embark on her little beauty queen fantasy? :)

Well, the new Miss Universe 2009 was crowned just 2 days ago. All the girls were gorgeous of course, as they strutted their stuff in flamboyant (and outrageous) national costumes, skimpy bikinis and designer gowns. But over the years, the elegance and the grace of the girls had sadly, in my opinion, received less focus in the competition. Even the competition itself, was rushed and littered with distasteful comments by the em-cees. You just don't feel touched or inspired by the whole thing anymore.

I was surprised that there're a youtube videos on the 1987 competition, including my favourite section. It was fun to see the big hair-dos, heavy make-up and 1980s gowns with shoulder pads (I still remember some of the gowns!). Most memorable part? The little girls dressed in SQ's sarong kebaya and singing "You are my star" as the top 10 finalists made their final walks. After 22 years, I still remember the tune.

And not forgetting: in those days, it was 1-piece swimsuits, not bikinis. :)
Enjoy...our early attempt at international exposure before the days of F1 Night Race and Youth Olympics 2010.

In the name of Science

When I first laid eyes on this photo, I thought: Kawaii! Cute leh!

Then I read on. This little white mouse's spine was deliberately injured, then injected with blue food colouring (explains the blue) and observed for effects of the dye on treating spinal cord injuries. The mouse was killed 6 weeks after this experiment for further examination. Well, the brave sacrifice of this little mouse did show scientists that blue dye do have some positive effects on spinal cord trauma and the colour goes off in a week. Will this work for humans in future? Or will it be red, yellow or green food colouring that does the final magic?

I suddenly shudder at what we do in the name of science. For full report of this article, it's at National Geographic News

Back to Normal

I broke down last week, after many weeks of pent-up "act tough" pressure.
The loneliness and the "useless" feelings really got into me. I tried to affirm myself by telling everyone I'm ok and enjoying my time here, but all the time I'm losing control bit by bit.

It is abit silly.
Many people would want to trade places with me.
Being the little housewife in a nice environment. Do whatever I want, no stress.

The logical mind tells me that unemployment rate is high now, and employers naturally want to give priority to residents. With my Masters and experience, I might be over-qualified for many jobs that I've been applying.

The emotional (and ilogical) mind tells me that I'm a failure to face so many rejections and it's silly to study so much when it restricts my employability. Even working in a supermarket needs a permanent visa, which I don't have now because we're still waiting for it.

The now-at-peace mind now tells me to take things easy. We have friends who waited for more than 6 months before landing a job. There are many things coming our way in the next 1-2 years and we might have planned them, but we never know how things will work out. Until we're clearer on our visa status, I guess it is OK to wait patiently. No hurry. Don't let the kiasu Singaporean mindset kick in. :)

Time to move forward in faith.

The Desperate Housewife

Nowadays

I suddenly get emotional when Hubby asked why I cooked rice for dinner.

I felt that I was not appreciated of the only things I do now....the cooking, baking, cleaning....

I am paranoid about silly things.

I found a hair on Hubby's jacket few days ago.

I insisted it was a blond hair that didn't belong to me though I knew it was mine.

I think I am getting into the desparate housewife mode - longing for attention and affection.

I keep forgetting the hugs and the morning kisses. I keep forgetting the silly things he does just to make me laugh. I keep forgetting the little surprises he makes. I want bigger surprises and actions to justify and affirm my value.

Gosh. This desparate housewife is getting scarier by the minute. No amount of Jeffery Archer and Danielle Steel is going to help. Funny. I didn't turn into Bridezilla 5 years ago, but am on route to become a HouseWife-Manic now. =P

The Tap

Finally!

After nearly 1 year, my leaky bathroom tap is fixed.

No more ugly pail in the basin!

We asked for the tap to be repaired ages ago.

The plumber came once months ago. But left without fixing the tap because he said "no spare parts". This morning, our house agent finally brought along another plumber to fix it.

Sigh. Even getting a tap fixed need to wait for 1 year. :P

Mails with Meaning

Got 2 mails in the letterbox 2 days ago.

1 was a rejection letter from UQ for one of the positions that I applied for.

Well, it didn't really come as a surprise. With the unemployment rate going up every week,

I reckon I'm not exactly in the first priority list. Maybe I should just be happy to find some casual job, and concentrate on getting my TESOL cert and preparing for the "mission". Haha.

The other one was a surprise.

The gals back in office sent me a birthday card.

It was just a simple card, but carried lotsa of love and care from the team.

Just writing about this brings tears to my eyes again.

I'm not totally sure now if I just missed them, or also the work. :)